We’re off to see the wizard...

It looks like the triumphant opening of the new bypass will be upstaged by the start of the Sussex Bonfire season, however with very little expenditure I have devised a cunning plan (or two ) to save the day.

The first is based on the Wizard of Oz with a leading local MP playing the part of Dorothy,skipping up the grey asphalt road sprinkling fracking permits and plastic wind turbines followed by members of the council, in appropriate costumes, supporting her. At the rear to provide a splash of colour would come a troop of clowns led by Boris dressed in red high visibility coats and wearing life jackets, carrying sandwich boards made out of de-subsidised solar panels advertising plans for the new Coombe Haven hub airport.

The second is more Biblical, based on Exodus, with a high ranking officer from the county or local planning department playing the part of Moses. He would descend to the valley followed by his host of believers dressed as Israelites, placing his staff on the murky waters of the Haven ordering it to part revealing the Promised Land of milk and honey to the cheers of the tens of thousands of the converted on each side of the valley.

Part of the £4,000,000 overspend could come from concessions paid for by balloon sellers and hot dog stalls serving the multitude.

One might be led to sympathise with our modern day Moses who seems to have upset the Great Architect, who sent a plague of frogs and locusts to support the original Exodus but now appears to have reversed His allegiance sending a plague of earth tunnelling troglodytes, nocturnal nylon spinning tree climbing hippies and vast quantities of rain containing more H2O than usual.

With hindsight our planners could have waited another four years when George Osborne could have got his Chinese workforce to have done the job in half the time and twice as cheaply and thrown in 2,000 one-room affordable starter homes plus a 100 free take-aways to the first motorists using the bypass.

Bill Wicking

Rock Lane


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