“I won’t sell them to you. They don’t suit your face,” said the tall lady in the opticians which is to remain nameless last Thursday.
Now I’m quite aware that the silver aviator frames with the plastic nose guard I chose were butt ugly/more suited to somebody with an interest in the mating ritual of plants but I was the one with the debit card burning a hole in my pocket and her blatant disregard for this shocked me to my core. Was the tall lady in-the-opticians-which-is-to-remain-nameless really judging my choice of spectacle? What kind of world do we live in, I thought, when a tall lady who knows nothing about me can question my choice of frame? I knew that those glasses would look perfect when I was wearing my purple checked Fred Perry button up shirt fastened right to the very top and on Thursday I wasn’t even wearing it. How could she say they didn’t suit my face without seeing the shirt?
Leaving the-opticians-which-is-to-remain-nameless last Thursday I was the most shocked I had been regarding somebody’s reaction to me since school when I misjudged a mufti day outfit and wore a beige cord jacket with matching shoes to physics class.
That was at least, until last Friday after my blog was posted online. It seems that my opinions on sports labelling garnered quite the negative response.
Turns out some people didn’t see the funny side of calling Phil Taylor an overweight guy with a hobby. Who knew? Not only did it spark heated debate in the office between co-workers, one of whom refused even to read it initially fearing his reaction, but I received a barrage of negative feedback on a popular social networking site which resulted in a death threat. In truth I’m super happy that my opinion seems to mean so much to some people but even I have to admit that that seems a little over the top. Besides, I didn’t think I’d get my first death threat until I was in the public eye and aired my opinions on the benefits of prayer as the best birth control and in honesty I feel a little cheated.
It didn’t make the front page of The Sun, nobody boosted my security and I didn’t have to leave The Ivy restaurant via the back door down some creepy alley filled with paparazzi with a tea towel over my face. However, for a brief moment I did feel a little bit like Oprah circa 1998 when the beef industry tried to sue her for making some disparaging comments about mad cow disease. Sure, my circumstances didn’t lead to a $12million law suit but I was compared to Josef Fritzl-the man who kept his daughter prisoner for a few decades and forced her to bear his children, and, whilst I’m not sure there’s a direct parallel between what the two of us did I have to say that it made me feel like an important part of popular culture for a second.
It got me thinking though - if people get so het up about my views on crazy golf and snooker God only knows what would happen if I started spewing my opinions on abortion and the war in Iraq on this thing. Sure I’d inject a playful amount of humour into the world but ideally I wouldn’t want to do so at the cost of being tied to a post and, if I may quote the threat, ‘shot in the face with an **insert name of make believe gun from a very popular computer game that rhymes with Fall of Newty**.’
Perhaps I should include a disclaimer when writing this in future.
People seemed to forget that all of this is just my opinion. It’s not backed up by fact or studies. I sit down with a smoothie and write what pops into my head until Neighbours is on. This is all. It may be interesting to note however that nobody batted an eyelid when in the past I mentioned our ridiculous council or the fact that some young mothers parenting abilities are questionable-odd that.
Needless to say this week I was glad to live in Hastings and not somewhere where it’s still deemed socially acceptable to lynch people. Oh, hang on-it should be made clear at this moment that I DO NOT think it is acceptable to lynch people..........but that’s just my opinion.
For more from Thom visit www.thomatronics.com or follow him on Twitter @Thomkofoed