Thom Kofoed: His boots are made for walking
I have become a walker.
I must preface this by saying that I have not sold my car Elsie, nor do I plan on joining The Ramblers Club or any kind of national/local walking society. I will not get up two hours earlier to walk to work, I will not walk if it is raining and I will not continue to walk if, in horror-movie styley I am attacked by an escaped psychopath holding a picture of me in one hand and an old rolling pin in the other whilst walking along the promenade.
In that case I would scream, crawl, covered in blood and in agony to the nearest bystander and demand they drive me in their car to aforementioned Elsie which I would then drive to aforementioned attacker and demand that they apologise or at the very least pay the dry cleaning bill for my car seats that were now covered in blood.
To understand the above ramblings (pun intended) I must tell you about the last few weeks of my life.
- Thom feels pain in back and neck for nigh on three years.
- Thom gets given book by Zelly about managing pain and listening to the body.
- Thom laughs, feels a bit new-agey but is willing to try anything at this late stage.
- Thom reads book, feels pain easing, and walks more.
- Thom gets massage by newly qualified physiotherapist brother James.
- Thom feels a little bit weird letting his brother touch his back with baby oil on his hands.
- Thom meets Zelly for breakfast in Old Town, says how wonderful he feels.
- Thom walks to beach and releases remaining pain into the sea, walks home.
And now that I walk more than before it’s so much easier to look at Hastings. Firstly because you are going much slower and, dare I say it, you really do get to smell the roses and secondly, you are not distracted pretending to be Celine Dion whilst driving through town singing ‘Think Twice’ at the top of your lungs to your adoring fans/that woman and her husband you nearly ran over at the zebra crossing who were rude enough to try and cross the street just as you were getting to the chorus-I mean really, who would do that?
I do have some rules when walking though-more for personal safety and comfort if for nothing else. I try to impart my wisdom to you so, if I can help you in any way I feel it my duty to do so.
Rule 1: It’s real important not to look people in the eye. I was walking this morning, accidentally caught the eye of a guy with a shaved head in a tracksuit and I swear he could tell there was a Blackberry in my pocket. In absolute fear I just threw my bank card at him, spewed out my pin number and ran for the hills. It is only OK to break this rule if the person is wearing knitwear with some sort of jaunty pattern weaved in to it and/or one of those hats with the flaps to cover your ears. These people are of no danger.
Rule 2: Wear layers. It is chuffing freezing when you leave the house but one hour in when you’re traipsing across the East Hill you’re gonna wish you had a vest, t-shirt, sweater, cardigan, overcoat and scarf on so that you can swiftly remove one or two of the items and reacclimatise to the heat that comes from exercising. Instead you’ve left the house in your Grandmas vintage floor length, fox fur coat and nothing else and removing that wouldn’t be great....for anyone.
Rule 3: Purchase one of those personal music systems that you can listen to whilst on your stroll. Not only does it block out the sound of the traffic but it also makes it harder to hear the shouts of “Oi, you idiot in the tight jeans and the cardigan-you walk like a girl, you stupid pansy, cut your hair.”
So there you have it-my rules really mean you have no reason not to start walking guys. Put down the car keys and rediscover Hastings by foot.
However if you see me on one of your adventures don’t say hello-chances are I’ll panic and throw my boots at you.
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Weather for Hastings
Monday 28 May 2012
Today
Sunny
Temperature: 12 C to 22 C
Wind Speed: 22 mph
Wind direction: South west
Tomorrow
Light rain
Temperature: 11 C to 21 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: West
