Thom Kofoed: Asda = H’AMAZING

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Now that I’m a local celebrity (somebody the other day threw an empty can at me and called me a pansy-that still counts) it has come to my attention that people are desperate to know what I think about certain things.

They want to know my favourite colour - green, my lucky number - 18. They ask what my favourite cartoon is - Tom and Jerry and oddly enough what my views are on the Republican Tea Party and Sarah Palin’s sudden power over quite a few of the American People. I don’t know what she does to me but for some reason I want to bake a banana loaf and feed it to her with my bare hands over and over and over. It’s ill.

Above all else, this week it would seem they want to know my opinions on the new Asda. What, you didn’t know that there’s now yet another supermarket within throwing distance of like five others? Well there is. Pull your socks up and get used to it-it’s not going anywhere soon.

So anyway, last week after a run with Debbie - yes, the training is going well, thanks for asking - we went to Asda to do her weekly shop and we were somehow there until 10.45pm.

It was a surprise to the both of us but not entirely uninvited - it gave us a chance to analyse the shopping experience without the pesky crowds of people (some of whom took the day off work for the opening - AND YES, I’m talking to you sweetart.) Here I will share our findings.

Initially I was quite impressed. Their fresh pasta and pasta accessories (your sauces and dough balls etc) were very impressive and entirely unmatched by any of the other ninety supermarkets in Hastings. They really did have all sorts - there were so many different pastas that I literally could have filled my boots...if I weren’t wearing high-end running trainers instead. And whilst I’m very excited that you can buy garlic bread for 39p it should not come at the expense of the meat aisle. I should make it clear now that I’m writing blind - I’m a vegetarian you see and given the choice the entire meat aisle would be replaced with candy floss and Parma violets.

However, Debbie was very upset that there was no lean mince and the only chickens they had were sad looking purple things. Two days in and the aisle was almost completely empty - Not cool Asda - not cool.

They quickly redeemed themselves with the hand sanitisers though. They had like six different scents and guys; I like to clean my hands. As I was happily sanitising, minding my business they went and turned the lights off and when I say off I mean down. Suddenly there was mood lighting and I had to fight the urge to grab Debbie and quickstep her down to shampoos and kitchen towels to the sounds of Luther Vandross and that Lionel Ritchie fella.

This leads me to Asdas big strength - the Soundtrack. IT. WAS. H’MAZING. Now my supermarket of choice would usually be Sainsburys but never have I been buying supernoodles and strawberry shoelaces there whilst hearing Spandau Ballet telling me I’m gold.

It was like somebody had picked the pair of us up and insisted that we do our shopping in 1987. It was worth the trip purely for the joy of choosing pain au chocolat whilst wiggling to Never Gonna Give you Up by the king of pop - Rick Astley.

I should also say at this point that the staff were super friendly, joking with the pair of us who, it could be said at 10.30pm, looked crazy in our running gear but this somehow seems less important than the soundtrack-it was RICK ASTLEY for goodness sake.

So all in all Asda is OK. I still think that the money spent building it could have been spent on something the town actually needed - like a Space Museum - but it’s there now and I will embrace it, as best I can......with a mouth full of tagliatelle and arrabiata.

For more from Thom visit www.thomatronics.com or follow him on Twitter @thomkofoed