Thom Kofoed: We all have our own pier story
Right guys, it's the moment we've all been dreading.
We've been running around like the people in Godzilla, hiding in banks and bus shelters screaming "It's coming, hide your kids, put Grandmas antique silver dinner service in the safety deposit box in the bottom of the wardrobe."
People - I'm about to get serious. I know it's not what you've come to expect from me - I'm all hilarity and anecdotes. But the time has arrived and I think you need to prepare yourselves. If for any reason you are standing at your computers, sit down. If you're holding a cuppa soup or a newborn baby put it on the dining room table and walk away -its time to talk about THE PIER.
I feel like I can talk about this with some authority as I worked on the pier one summer as a fifteen year old boy selling unofficial Elvis car hangers, ukuleles and tiger balm, being paid in pound coins and slush puppies on the end of the pier in a little hub called The Happy Shop.
So here goes - at present I am embarrassed, unsure and a little tired of our handlings of the whole situation. I mean we are a seaside town for goodness sake and to officially be a seaside town, and I checked with the new coalition government, you need to meet certain requirements.
You need, in no particular order - a Fishermans club, an arcade, a man selling winkles and crabsticks, three or more antique shops, a tea room which offers both savoury AND dessert scones (they must also supply actual clotted cream. Under no circumstances can they just whip up double cream and add vanilla essence), a promenade, a group of middle aged men who drink cider during the day on aforementioned promenade, a mini golf course, sticks of mint rock that have 'I heart (insert name of town here)' printed through the middle, a ghost walk and a BLINKING PIER.
Look, I get the arguments against the restoration. It's not actually safe at the moment, its falling apart and bits of it are washing up on the shore. The money needed to fix it up and reopen the thing could be put to better use building schools for underprivileged children or opening yet another supermarket in a two mile radius of two other supermarkets…oh hang on, that ridiculous development has already begun-and yet the town complains about the Jerwood??!! Just saying.
And yes, my older brother James, who for a few summers now has worked beach patrol between studies at university (he's now an uber qualified physiotherapist or psychoanalyst or yoga teacher or something) has told me about a group of gypsy like people who may or may not live underneath the piers structure doing abominable things that should be kept behind closed doors or in prison.
I understand that if the pier was demolished they would have to pick up their plastic bags filled with gin and stubbed out roll-ups they've found under the marina and move on to Eastbourne and that this would probably be a good thing.
But the pier is our history and if we care as much about this town as we claim we do then we should rally around to restore it to its former glory.
We all have a pier story-its weaved into our memories of Hastings - and if a huge bunch of us can kick up a fuss about trying to save an empty car park in Rock-n-nore (no more mentions of the Jerwood I promise*) then we should all be more than willing to try and save something that is actually important to this towns increasing popularity. So there.
OK, rant over. I'll return next week, witty as ever, waxing lyrical about something completely hysterical and yet oddly informative-the art of seduction perhaps. Just a thought...
*I should not have promised that because I'm lying.
For more from Thom Kofoed visit www.thomatronics.com
Email to a friend
Print this page
Looking for...
Featured advertisers
Jobs
Search for a job
Motors
Search for a car
Property
Search for a house
Weather for Hastings
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Today
Light rain
Temperature: 11 C to 21 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: West
Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: 12 C to 18 C
Wind Speed: 14 mph
Wind direction: South
