Thom Kofoed: Introducing a real legend
The term legend is used too often. We use it to describe people that are undeserving ('The legendary Katie Price' is not legendary, she's repugnant.)
I've also noticed that the youth tend to throw it around like it's going out of fashion.
"That bird was legen-dary, Blud."
Today however I want to bring an actual local legend to your attention, one I have no doubt you will already know. I want to honour her somehow. She has become quite the talking point at our office. Over juice and shortbread we discuss recent sightings of her, we talk about where we saw her, what she wore, how we felt when we saw her,...what we were wearing when we saw her (??!).
We don't know her name, her history, her likes or dislikes. We know little about her family or where she lives but we are all deep in love with all that she is.
I am of course talking about 'The Immaculate Lady'.
I'm sure this rings no bells with you, partly because that's a name we have bestowed upon her ourselves. We sometimes call her Pearl, Nan, perfect creature-like the legendary Big Foot himself there are undoubtedly thousands of names for her-but whatever you call her I know that you know who she is.
In fact I am willing to stake an egg mayonnaise sandwich and half a pack of polos on the fact that you have had some sort of encounter with her, whether it be face to face or, if like me, from a distance standing in utter admiration, frozen to the spot.
"There goes Ms Tiny Pocket Delight" You may utter as she struts passed you (probably near Marks and Spencers or BHS), purse in hand.
The Immaculate Lady can be no taller than 4 and feet tall in 4inch stilettos (white, pink, leopard print). She maybe hits 4feet 9 when her hair is teased and preened beautifully, two toned and bouffant-ted.
She wears Coco Chanel-esque skirt or pant suits cut from tweeds and fine cottons, draped in the finest jewellery-pearls, golds, broaches.
Her eyes slicked with mascara, nails manicured and shiny she slinks through town, her faux crocodile skin handbag hanging from dainty arms, and steals your heart.
You know her right?
If Hastings were to have a celebrity representative she should be it. I would happily dedicate my time campaigning for her to be put on the coin (forget the Euro, Immaculate Lady coinage should be circulated immediately and it must be tiny and made from mother of pearl.)
At the very least I am considering creating a website for our sightings - www.recent-hastings-immaculate-lady-sightings-and-how-it-changed-everything.com.
I think Hastings should at least honour her by naming a road after her-maybe Queens Road could become 'Immaculate Lady Boulevard'- I'm just saying.
So Kids, now she's been bought to your attention love her with all that you have but always remember that she is Hastings Royalty and must be treated as such.
Look but don't touch, honour and respect all that she is...and if you see me in town please sign my petition - I hope to have the currency up and circulating by Christmas 2011.
www.thomatron.blogspot.com.
What do you think of Thom's piece? Do you know any Hastings legends? Leave your comments below.
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Weather for Hastings
Monday 28 May 2012
Today
Sunny
Temperature: 13 C to 21 C
Wind Speed: 18 mph
Wind direction: West
Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: 11 C to 21 C
Wind Speed: 12 mph
Wind direction: South west
