Thom Kofoed: All hail Hastings pirates!
So last week was Carnival Week.
Created by William the Conqueror of 1066 fame to celebrate his triumph* Carnival Week is a time for joy.
I think most of the town take part in one element or another. I myself try to avoid the actual carnival procession at all costs (memories of childhood insecurities, my lifelong fear of fireworks, walks, wheelchairs and that Bryan Adams song from The Prince of Thieves soundtrack insist that I stay away) but I fully back the rest of the week - the beach concert, the pram race, the street party - brilliant.
This year I partook in the wonder that is Pirate day. Well in actual fact I took part in Pirate Night (I'm not sure why the official pirate count was during the day when a lot of us were working - it seems utterly silly - still, there were more than 6,000 people that disagreed with me I guess, to them I tip my hat.
What a brilliant record for Hastings to hold, it should be on a plaque next to the cricket statue in Priory Meadow. Said cricket man's bat should perhaps be replaced with a cutlass also. Just a thought.)
So anyway, I went down at 7pm and the Old Town was saturated with buccaneers, strumpets and wenches dressed in boots, fringed shirts, eye patches, bandanas, hooks and hats, holding tankards, swords and parrots.
I myself did what was necessary to fully immerse oneself in pirate culture. I dressed head to toe in pirate garb, tied beads in my hair, drank cider from a tankard and pillaged local shops and cars until my pockets were filled with loot.**
It. Was. Brilliant. Every Friday should be Pirate Night. Or perhaps we could have a different theme each week - Robot Night, Alien Night, favourite character from the 1980s classic film Back to the Future Night. People seem far friendlier when they're in a costume. I don't know why, possibly because everyone is united by absurdity, they all look stupid.
There's no judging people because they're wearing a tracksuit or brown shoes with black trousers or a cowboy hat...or a poncho. We're all on equal footing and because of that everyone embraces everyone else. In truth it felt like we were doing God's work that night.
I must say mind that my friend Sam and I were standing in the High Street drinking aforementioned cider and a gentleman with a ponytail and painted fingernails came up behind her with an inflatable sword, wrapped it around her neck and made some lewd pirate comment in her ear.
We of course laughed it off, made light of the fact that she had just been faux attacked by a man from behind but I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if this exact same event had occurred while Sam queued in Argos for some flat pack bedroom furniture and a pack of light bulbs? I doubt any of us would have laughed then. Faux attacks are always funnier in costumes I guess.
Still, in spite of Sam's close call with Captain Touchtoomuch the whole night was magnificent and I commend everyone who took part. I think (y)oo-err all awesome.
Carnival week was once more a huge success and I look forward to next year...minus the procession for reasons previously mentioned.
Damn the legend that is Bryan Adams, damn him to hell.
*possibly not true
**also possibly not true
For more from Thom Kofoed visit www.thomatronics.com
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Weather for Hastings
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Today
Light rain
Temperature: 11 C to 21 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: West
Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: 12 C to 18 C
Wind Speed: 14 mph
Wind direction: South
