I'm leavin' it
Having been a vegetarian for nearly 20 years there are parts of other peoples lives that I have little experience of. Shopping at a butcher's, chicken tikka masala, the great British lamb shish kebab and indigestion.
And McDonald's.
Early Sunday morning we went swimming at a leisure pool and, full of conceit after our aquatic workout, we thought we would drop into McDonald's to give the kids some of the Ronald experience.
The girl behind the counter looked like the runt of the litter, she was pallid, spotty with lank hair and bulgy cow-eyes. She looked like a study in Victorian sentimental pathos.
I decided to take charge of the situation and place our order.
Unfortunately, I don't know the McDonald's menu intimately, unlike everybody else there that morning. I asked for one vegiburger and one vegetable melt sandwich. She told me that 'the delis' were off. I asked her what she meant. She paused, continuing her cow-eye stare and pointed vaguely behind her at one of the garish photo-montages showing close-ups of some of what was on offer. Not any clearer exactly what she meant, I assumed that either the vegiburger or the sandwich was off. Can I have two vegiburgers I asked? Although she didn't say anything, I took her till tapping as a ringing endorsement of my order.
Is this part of a 'meal' she asked? It was now my turn to look at her stupidly. What could she mean by this, I wondered? Even as I spoke the words I knew they were derisory, but I couldn't think of any other question. Yes, we have come in here for lunch, I said. Her face took on a look of scorn and I turned round to see what was happening to the queue behind me. I could see jaws dropping and faces twisted in incredulity at my lack of knowledge.
By now I had lost any sense of shame. I didn't care what they thought anymore. I started to stare her out. She capitulated and informed me that a 'meal' meant you wanted fries and a drink. "Yes please", I trumpeted, proud of my victory, "twice". She tapped the till some more, looked up and asked what drinks we wanted. I had to ask what they had on offer.
And so this ping-pong negotiation carried on, until we had arrived at an agreed position on what the four of us would eat and drink. And so I proffered my plastic to pay. Again, I faced her withering look, I didn't know that McDonald's doesn't take plastic. Standing at the front of the queue my mind was full of wondering why they only took cash. Is it that this place isn't a 'restaurant' after all – just a cash cow that grazes on the pocket money of kids too young to legally open bank accounts? Surely not, I mused. Cow eye snapped me from my reverie, asking if I had the money to pay. I paid the cash. She told me that I should sit down and they would bring it over. With no meat my order was just too freaky to even be fast!
When the cleaner saw us sitting down some 10 minutes later, still without our food she went and got it. I would have sat there all day waiting, I'd decided there was no way I would go and ask for it, I had sunk to an all time low. Treated with distain by McDonald's is pretty low. I ate the meal in a bad mood, and it was very unsatisfying.
Next time I'll ask some of the McDonald's junkies in the office how I should go about not being made to feel like a complete inadequate - by McDonald's staff.
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Weather for Hastings
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Today
Light rain
Temperature: 11 C to 21 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: West
Tomorrow
Sunny spells
Temperature: 12 C to 18 C
Wind Speed: 14 mph
Wind direction: South
