Ray to run in memory of foster son Liam
WHEN Ray Hoadley takes the starting line of the London marathon this year it will be in memory of his foster son, Liam, who died 18 months ago.
Ray, 52, and wife Jackie fostered Liam when he was four and later became his special guardians. He was severely disabled and was not expected to live beyond the age of five. He died in August 2008, two months before his 13th birthday.
The Hoadleys, who live in Langney, already had a second child by that time, fostering and later adopting Mathew , who is now six. Mathew is also disabled.
They also fostered a third child for a short time.
Last year the Hoadley were named Candis Outstanding Family of the Year for fostering children with life-limiting illnesses.
"I blame my wife," Ray joked. "She has always worked with special needs. A lot of people don't like the thought of adopting a child with special needs but we look at it in a different way and try to give them as good a life for as long possible."
Ray, a mechanic by trade, took time out to care for both children but now works at care home for the elderly, Ingham House in Carlisle Road.
They fostered Liam in 2000. Ray said, "Liam's mum tried her best and loved him dearly but his medical needs were too much for her."
He had 12 conditions including cerebral palsy, epilepsy, lung disease, he was visually impaired and had problems with his spine.
"He had a very poor quality of life but we could concentrate on his needs," Ray said.
Liam grew stronger with the care and attention that the Hoadleys were able to give him and in 2007 they became special guardians.
"He had no way of communicating with us but you could sometimes see a glint in his eye."
Ray said, "We got to the point where we thought he'd go on a lot longer."
But then in August 2008 the family went to Chestnut Tree House children's hospice, which is near Arundul, and Liam died four days later.
"He chose when to go," Ray said.
For Mathew it was hard losing a big brother.
"He kept looking over his shoulder," Ray said. "We've tried to explain that Liam's in heaven but we still think that when he is at Chestnut Tree House that he imagines he is in another room."
Mathew is not as severely ill as Liam was but has cerebral palsy, uncontrollable seizures and is asthmatic. He is now six and is aware of his condition and has asked why he cannot walk.
Like Liam he goes to Chailey Heritage School in Haywards Heath.
Mathew, who is originally from Bristol, was in care from the age of nine months.
Ray explained, "His mother could not cope with the level of care due to his health conditions."
In 2005 at the age of 18 months he came to live with the Hoadleys and in 2007 they adopted him.
Mathew, like Liam, spends 14 nights a year at Chestnut Tree House, plus additional nights, if available. The hospice also provides outreach at home which means for one evening a month Jackie and Ray can get a break from care.
The family also spend time at Chestnut Tree House together. "We treat it as a mini holiday as we get meals provided and we don't have to do any of the care," Ray said.
Ray is now trying to fit in marathon training runs around work and caring for Mathew. He has completed a marathon once but at 52, he expects to find the London marathon on April 25 tougher that the previous marathon.
In 2004 he raised money for a charity which paid for Liam to go to Disney World. He has applied for a place for the London marathon every year since but has been unlucky until now.
Ray is determined to help Chestnut Tree House raise some of the 2.5 million-a-year it depends on to offer an essential service, plus help raise its profile in the area.
Ray said, "Both Liam and Mathew were born with disabilities but a car accident could mean a child or grandchild of anyone reading this could end up in a similar condition. They would then see the importance of Chestnut Tree House."
• To sponsor Ray go to www.justgiving.com/ray-hoadley.
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Sunday 12 February 2012
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